My sister is getting married…
2011 June 8
….what advice would those of you in long term relationships give her?
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Mutual respect would be up there on my list.
A bit of giving in sometimes is okay.
Don’t start off expecting to change the other person – even though that will happen eventually.
Most of all, have fun!
Good Luck, U’s sister. May you have much happiness for all of your life.
That’s lovely. Congratulations to the couple.
Advice – nah! I am sure she’ll find her own way of working things out!
That too
Congratulations Uttara’s sister, R!
U, you must be so busy at this time. It must be quite exciting and the work never ending, all at once!
Wishing R lots of happiness and a very joyous married life!
Anjali, I didn’t have to do much. They organised it themselves with the help of some very talented friends.
Embrace Change.
No advice – just a sincere wish that everything good will come their way throughout their life together.
Besides, U, what advice could anybody give her re long-term relationships that you couldn’t? You’re probably the best role model for her – a living breathing one
Shyam, how sweet. She has said that to me and A as well.
Told ya
Believe in the impossible, and the impossible happens more times than not.
U, a good friend told the OH and me one thing when we got married that still makes sense to us. “Never go to bed without resolving a fight!” The very best wishes to your sister
How true-though in my case, we recently resolved a fight on waking up
congrats to R1 or R2? ok, after 15 years of being together, this is the most important thing i’ve learnt. do not judge your spouse’s reaction to a situation/comment/occasion, based on how you would react to it. just because your partner’s reaction doesn’t match your idea of the perfect way to respond or act, doesn’t make you right.
and take it one day at a time! just like AA and NA recommend
I need to take that advice as well.
We’ll share it with her in person.
Ahem. Now you really will have to share it. You know why…
Great News . My (Late ) Dad never attended a wedding . Even of close relatives.(As close as Sisters Kids).
My own marriage , he was there ,only to perform the rites.
Quixotic as it looked then , Everyone in my home used to frown on this behaviour to start with .
But then , his humble quarters became the first stop for couples after the wedding oath was taken . They came visiting , Sometimes during the same day , sometimes later . But always , it would be their earliest opportunity.And I would watch the proceedings , From the times I was a Tiny tot to adulthood .He would alter his style based on the educational backgrounds of the couple , but the core of his talk would always be this . That this was just the beginning of a process . And one had to make it work . Sometimes the work would be too hard . That , in a ideal situation each partner would start taking on qualities from the other and adapting continously .
The material that he would draw forth, varied widely – from Thurber-To Northcote Parkinson-To Bertrand Russel – To Kahlil Gibran .
The result ? Most couples would make the trip to his room , many many times after the marriage . Some visits extending up to the times they would have children .
It was a fascinating experience for me which has made my own marriage,a heavenly experience . Twenty Years on and it is still getting more wonderful.
And if I were to bring it all down to as few words as possible , I would only say :
Be prepared to give in . To sacrifice in the simplest of forms . To change in the slightest of modes. That done , there are very few pleasures in life equalling that of having a loving friend for the rest of your life.
wow
awesome. loved the last line.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G6gBFrrpDQ
Thanks for that vide, made me giggle, smile and cry!
I just loved Mr.Kulkarni’s sage advice- and truly,’there are very few pleasures in life equalling that of having a loving friend for the rest of your life’. Getting there isn’t easy, but certainly worth the effort.
All good wishes to the happy couple, and to the proud sister and brother-in-law!
http://www.raaga.com/play/?id=72710
There is a beautiful Kannada Song – tuned so nicely , I mean . The Lyrics are a bit outdated. But then a Mother is a Mother .
Read on to see much we all have progressed since Purandara Dasars times.
buddhi maatu hELidare kELabEkamma magaLE
Listen O Dear Girl , to this piece of advice
manashuddhalaagi ganDanoDane baaLabEkamma. | pa |
You need to live with your husband with a clean and pure mind
Â
atte maavaganjikonDu naDeyabEkamma
You should carry yourself with due reverence to your inlaws
chittadollabhana akkareyannu paDeyabEkamma
you should strive to get the loving attention of your beloved husband
hottuhottige maneya kelasa maaDabEkamma
Be punctual with your daily chores in the House
hattu mandi oppuva haage naDeyabEkamma          Â
Live your life so that you gain acceptance with a majority section of society around you (buddhi maatu…)
Â
kottu kombuva nenTarodane dvEsha bEDamma magalE
O Daughter , Do not act in way that would give rise to hatred among close relatives
(with whom there will be an element of give and take )
uTTu umbuva kaaladalli aaTa bEDamma
At a time when you should be dressed up for hard work, do not waste your self with play
haTTi bagilalli bandu nillabEDamma
Dont stand at the door of your house and get interested in the affairs of the street
kaTTi ALuva ganDanoDane siTTu bEDamma
Dont ever get angry with your husband – rather embrace him and cry
       | 2 |
Â
nerehoreyavarige nyaayavannu hELabEDamma magaLe
Dont get into the affairs of the neighbours , especially the ones involving taking sides
in problems
garuva kOpa matsaravannu maaDabEDamma
Dont ever indulge in anger , jealousy and pride in your affairs
parara nindipa hengaLoDane sErabEDamma
dont mingle with other ladies who indulge in small talk – especially the abusing kind
gurupurandaraviTTalanna mareyabEDamma  Â
And make it a point never to forget Vittala
Congratulations, U’s sister!
A bit late but my two cents anyways.
1. Start as you mean to go along.
2. Friendliness is the most important thing.
3. Everyone needs space, even yourself, even when you don’t think so.
4. Don’t neglect your friends and drop off the face of the earth. Esp. your girl friends.
5. Laugh a lot, whether the paste is pressed from the top or bottom is not the biggest issue there is. And if that’s what you have as one, then consider yourself blessed.
Have fun! This is a journey like none other!
Thanks! On the space thing-someone asked A what the secret of our success was and he replied “separate studies!” But physical space is sadly at a premium these days.
Thank you for all the advice,
Although I think i might not take most of the advice from the kannada song esp
Don’t ever get angry with your husband – rather embrace him and cry,
The boy better know what he’s getting into if he’s done something wrong and the same applies to me.
U’s sister – R